Tuesday, September 28
Oh hey.
I've got 2 new BABY bunnies..
They're REALLY REALLY ADORABLE!
Like mini-Oats & mini-Barley.. But more fragile looking and curious..
Don't dare to pet em too hard.. Scared they might break!
HAhaha..
So cute!
They came around 9 last night..
Only 2 months 3 days old and half the size of Barley!!
But soooooooooooooooooooooo cute!
Min came over and had a look just now..
And you should know she's not the animal sort but she likes them!
Hahaha
:)
A tinch happier now..
The adopters sent mum some pictures of Oats and Barley in their new home..
Mum cried when she saw the pics..
Damn, I miss my round, brown, warm fuzzball loads..
-Sighs-
Heard that they have this 'mansion-house' thing to live in..
That's cool isn't it?
-Smiles sadly-
Well, gotta bring these two up now..
They're called Woody & Landy.. Cos they were found in Woodlands..
Hahha
Damn silly bunnies..
You guys gotta come see 'em if you can..
:))
Lovely furballs.
click here to see pics of Woody & Landy from when they were first born, to the time when they first opened their eyes to now. DAMN CUTE!
\\Screw emotions, hello cold, hard texts\\
Sunday, September 26
I rejoyce in the plights of others.
It's sorta better that I don't give a shit about everything now.
But there's still one thing that's bugging me constantly..
-Sighs-
I miss Oats so much..
It's so cold now..
I used to hug her when it was cold..
:(
I hope she's settled down alright over there..
The adopters were really nice about stuff..
Said that if I got into TP, they'd bring Oats & Barley there and ask me to take care of 'em..
-Sighs-
I miss you my little girl.
It's been 173 days they've been here..
Still, it's 173 days too short.
I miss them.
Block out the sun and pack up the sky
Don't let my tears start to make you cry
Each time I try to say my goodbye
Try to stop asking why, why
Try to say my goodbye
Where are you now?
Could I get there somehow?
Saturday, September 25
I won't think of you again
I'll get past the emptiness
And let a little happiness back in
Pretending not to care
Leaves me halfway there
One of these days
Friday, September 24
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY KIAT!!
Hoped you like the stuff we got for ya! :)
Got some major stuff planned up after this Sunday.
Talking about this Sunday, it's gonna be the hardest thing I'll ever, ever have to do..
-Sighs-
I'm dreading it like fuck.
Gonna skip tution so I can see them for the last time..
Yday, I was lying on the sofa, then Oats came and jumped up on me..
She just looked at me, and I looked at her, then I started crying.
Normally, she doesn't like people holding or hugging her but yday, I held her and cried.
It was just so bloody sad.. And she didn't even struggle when I held her..
It's making me feel so much more worse.
I don't know what's gonna happen on Sunday after they leave..
So let me apologise beforehand for my mood on Monday..
I can tell that it won't be good..
-Sighs deeply-
Anywaies, here's my plan.
On Sunday,
I will cry my fucking eyes out until I cannot cry anymore, then I will forget the reason for my sadness and carry on with my studies. (Doubt I can do this)
Preceeding Sunday,
I will cut off all emotional attachments to all things, human or otherwise.
I will limit my weekday tv shows to 'The O.C.' and 'Sue Thomas, F.B.Eye.'.
Basketball will only be used as a last resort when, and only when, I cannot take the pressure.
I will only go online twice a week or less and each duration cannot last for more than 1 hour.
Every day, I will study at least 6 to 8 hours excluding normal school time. That means that extra lessons and tutions are counted but not my A Math tution.
Yeah.. I think that's it..
Haven't come up with anything else yet..
Hahaha..
Lame isn't it?
But I gotta have something to refer to..
Only a matter of days left.
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye, and tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have, to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry
I can't let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied and my heart's not free
We're not meant to be
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away pretending I don't love you.
Tuesday, September 21
I should stop caring.. It just might help.
Sunday, September 19
All hail the Baboon & O.U. Monkey Clan!
[Courtesy of Sarah & me]
She's the red assed, blue striped, small brained, anti-social banana head and I'm the orange, friendly, adorable furball with the cutest lopsided grin..
Hahahaha!
We're looking to recruit more members.
Anyone interested?
Benifits include regular trips to the zoo & free breakfast with Ah Meng.
Lyn thinks I've lost it and that I'm becoming suicidal..
Think she's right..
My wrist got cut...
Small cut..
Wanna make it bigger..
Also had the urge to get drunk after tution..
-Bleah-
It's confirmed.
They're leaving this Friday..
I always knew this day would come. But somehow, I was hoping that it didn't. But hey, it's unavoidable isn't it? I don't have a choice. I've only got two options now, harden up and try to not get attatched to anything anymore, or to moap and cry and pine for them. More or less leaning towards the second option. It's just too heartbreaking. Worse than any I've ever experienced before. Y'know those heartbreaks I've endured and labeled as 'nothing could feel wose than this'? Well, this beats everything hands down. -Sighs- I don't know if anyone knows just how hard this is. I know them inside out. And now I have to turn around and watch some stranger take them away. I'm not doubting the adopters or anything, it's just, I've given them so much of myself, I just hope they won't forget me when they're all happy and all. It's just damn bloody sad. Couldn't concentrate on anything today. But had some distractions to stop me from crying in the streets though. Gotta thank Lyn & Sarah-Marie for helping me out. Lyn helped me let it out and Sarah's dumb smses accompanied me thru the lonely bus ride when I would've thought about losing them. Thanks you two. I'm kinda at a loss now. I don't know whether to make the best of the time left with them or to put up a wall around my heart and try to cut off my attachment to them. Because I probably won't see them again, I want to spend every second of my time with them but I'm afraid that I won't be able to let them leave when friday comes. Then again, if I put up all wall around my heart, I'll never again be able to hold them close, whisper their names and feel the softness of their fur. Oh damnit. I'm gonna cry again. Oats, Barley, thank you for all the joy you've brought into my life and all the inspiration and unconditional love you've given. I'll never forget you two. You're my very first pets. Oats has always been the one who comes to me when she knows that I'm not feeling too good. Dunno how she knows but she knows. I love that little brown bundle of joy..
|| Note: I'm planning to cycle to gardens circus next week.. Early early morning. Any houses I should visit for wake-up calls?? ;)
After you go
I can catch up on my reading
After you go
I'll have a lot more time for sleeping
And when you're gone
It looks like things are going to be a lot easier
Life will be a breeze you know
I really should be glad
But I'm bluer than blue
Sadder than sad
You're the only life this empty room has ever had
Life without you is going to be
Bluer than blue
After you go
I'll have a lot more room in my closet
After you go
I'll stay out all night if I feel like it
And when you're gone
I could run through the house screaming
And no one will ever hear me
I really should be glad
But I'm bluer than blue
Sadder than sad
You're the only life this empty room has ever had
Life without you is going to be
Bluer than blue
I don't have to miss no tv. shows
I can start my whole life over
Change the numbers on my telephone
But the nights will sure be colder
And I'm bluer than blue
Sadder than sad
You're the only life this empty room has ever had
Life without you is going to be
Bluer than blue
Bluer than blue
Bluer than blue
Hello..
It's earrrrrrly...
And i got dragged outta bed (literally) by my mum..
Supposed to go cycling but me ankle's giving me shit again..
I miss biking all over the place..
Still haven't biked to Gardens & some people's houses yet...
Hahah
Will probably use that to de-stress when the dreaded exams come closer..
:)
Some people came to look at the bunnies yday..
They were.. alright lah..
They don't have any other pets except fish and no kids so they should have time for the two furballs..
Oh oh..
They're also lecturers at Temasek Poly!!!
But dunno what course..
Hahaha..
Damn cool!!
Like, my teacher adoping Oats & Barley..
Bwahhahaa..
And I'm supposed to go over to their house in Yeo Chu Kang when the furball's nails need trimming..
:)
I had a really good dream a few nights ago..
Dreamt that i was at my aunt's place, and she had 2 fridges..
When I opened them, they we stuffed to the brim with chocolates!
And not just any chocolates.. All from Switzerland & Belgium!!!
Like, ARRGH!!
And best of all, she asked me to clear stock for her!!
Yaay!
But... It was a dream..
Wel hey, i'm going to her house later..
See if she needs help 'clearing her stock' in return for me walking her dog..
-Winks-
Speaking about chocolate and 'clearing stock', Lyn & Min skipped E Math and came over on Fri..
Had an AWESOME pig out while watching Extreme Ops..
Superb show..
Better food!
We had 2 bowls of cheese, 1/4 mud cake with whipped cream, nachoes, oreos, sugar biscuits, milk and 1.6L of Coke!!
After they left that day, I felt sad and didn't even wanna watch my fav show with an oh-so-cute golden..
Sat and thought awhile..
When I realised the reason behind the sadness, it wasn't a pretty sight..
-Sighs-
Lyn thinks I'm sinking into depression.
Maybe I am..
Life's so screwed..
When bad things come, the don't come alone..
They bring all their bloody god-damned friends along for the fucking ride.
..I'm hungry..
-Looks at Oat's food-
I love oldies..
Espically when I don't feel too good..
This one's damn nice..
Freddy Fender - Before The Next Teardrops Falls
If he brings you happiness
Then I wish you all the best
It's your happiness that matters most of all
But if he ever broke you yeart
If the teardrops ever start
I'll be there before the next teardrops fall
Though it hurts to let you go
Darling' I want you to know that
I'll stand by you if ever you should call
And if I should ever hear
That he made you shed a tear
I'll be there before the next teardrops fall
I'll be there anytime you need me
By your side to dry away
Every teardrops that you cried
If he evr leaves you blue
Just remember I love you
I'll be there before the next teardrops fall
Yes, I'll be there before the next teardrops fall
Friday, September 17
Barley might be going blind..
There's some milky thing on the surface of both her eyes..
Damn worried.
Hope she'll be okay..
Gonna see the vet sometime soon..
Pray for her.
I'm in the mood for old songs..
Really really old songs..
They're nice..
Opera's good too.
-Hugs Oats-
I'm sorry.
Red turns to black
It's been too long a time now
There's no use in me holding back
Anymore.
It's been months..
So long..
Can't really believe it myself.
That I'm still the same..
That nothing much's changed.
-Sighs-
It's all in the past...
Thursday, September 16
My ankle hurts..
Lyn stepped on it today..
Maybe I walked too much that day..
Whatever.
Hard times ahead..
Painful even.
But.. It's for my own good.
I have to learn...
I miss basketball..
Went thru my old poems book that day..
Lots of memories..
Painful and happy...
-Smiles sadly-
Found this:
Never say I love you if you don't really care
Never talk about feelings if they're not really there
Never hold my hand if you're gonna break my heart
Never say you're going to when you don't plan to start
Never look into my eyes when all you do is lie
Never say hello if you really mean goodbye
If you really mean forever baby please say you'll try
Or else never say forever cos forever makes me cry.
Seems like everyone's getting hurt these days..
Monday, September 13
I have a problem.
Well, a couple of problems actually..
And they're driving me completely insane.
If you have no damn idea what I'm talking about, I'm sorry..
Cos I think I'd rather keep these to myself...
If you know what I'm talking about then good for you.. My ass.
-Sighs-
Y'know, I'm regretting what I did.
Maybe I shouldn't have did it?
But hey, what's done's done right?
Shouldn't keep looking behind me..
But I can't seem to help it..
Fuck.
I seriously screwed up today...
My shots all didn't make it.
Damn disappointing.
Haix.
Cause obviously,
She's outta my league
I'm wasting my time cause
She'll never be mine and I know I
Never will be good enough for her
If you're reading: Please don't feel bad.. I'll feel twice as bad as you do. I'm sorry...
Thursday, September 9
Looks can be deceiving.. Very deceiving.
Sometimes you look at a person, like Mrs Susan Ng, for example..
And you think, oh, this woman's not that mean… More of a gentle ah soh...
Well, think again!
Underneath that gentle ah soh exterior is a scheming evil conniving demon.
Today was an okay day.. Excluding 4pm to 5pm..
After a long long day of A Math, Min, Eng Theng and I were thinking of heading to rm for a bite..
Gan ma wanted to come too so okay..
We waited fro her outside the General Office..
When she came out, she told us that A Low wanted to go along too...
A Low!!
Min's and my reactions was to grab our bags and tell Mrs Ng, “Heh.. Err.. Never mind lah.. Not free today.. Another time ya?” and walk off as fast as we could without looking weird.
Hahaha
Eng Theng didn't get it so she was kinda lost..
Mrs Ng laughed at our reactions..
Hmmph. Evil woman.
So when we were walking out of school, we noticed that there was someone behind us..
It was A Low and Mrs Ng..
So fine. Say hello to high belts and buttoned collars for the time being..
Then when we turned to walk down the road to rm, we realized that the both of them were on the same road as well!!
Must have been Mrs Ng who instigated A Low to go to rm instead of Compass…
Grrr..
Me and Min were walking fast.. I mean fast..
But it wasn’t fast enough to escape hearing A Low's laughter and her voice..
It was truly horrifying..
So high belts and buttoned collars again..
The 3 of us decided to check out the pasar malam instead of going to rm cause we knew that the 2 teachers would be there..
But the promise of choc waffles was too overwhelming..
Rm it was...
I was saying that they would probably be at Delifrance cause they were teachers and they had more $$...
And what the hell, they were at Delifrance..
Me and my big mouth..
High belts and buttoned collars came back and we strolled (quickly) past Delifrance to waffles..
Min was cursing A Low, saying that she tarnished the place that they sold her beloved muffins..
Hahhaha...
After waffles, it was the food court cause we knew that teachers normally didn't eat at food courts...
Then Mrs Ng called Min..
Actually, we didn't know who called, but when Min went, "Wait, are you still with her??" we knew it was Mrs Ng and lo and behold, the high belts and buttoned collars came back into play..
Min invited Mrs Ng to join us but she said she was leaving so we sorta breathed a huge sigh of relief...
Just to be on the safe side, we went out the side exit so we wouldn't have to pass by Delifrance...
Warned them to be wary cause they might still be around...
Me and my big mouth...
We saw Mrs Ng.
We were all walking down the stairs with me behind when I saw Mrs Ng...
I just froze on the steps and my jaw dropped...
Literally...
Then that woman ah.. Can stand there, point her finger at us, and laugh...
The other 2 didn’t see her at first but they heard someone laughing and looked up...
Hello high belts and buttoned collars...
But thankfully, A Low wasn't there..
She was at the pasar malam buying fruits or something..
Phew..
So we all scurried off in the other direction to avoid that woman...
Evil.
Yeah.. so we browsed the pasar malam once more...
Me and Min were saying that if we ran into A Low again, both of us would scream like crap and run in the other direction...
But luckily, we didn't have that chance...
Hahahhaha
Mental..
Yup, so after that, it was an A Low free evening thank goodness...
But me and Min were seriously traumatised..
We couldn't really think straight after that...
There was this plot to go look for her, make her look at us, lower our belts, point one particular finger at her and run like hell away...
Hahahhahaa
Nutters..
Yeah.
So, an okay day ends with trauma...
-Rolls eyes-
Gtg...
Dinner time.
:)
Wednesday, September 8
Arrgh!
My back's aching like crap and I'm so tired...
Just came here to clear something up.
Oats & Barley are not getting adopted after all!!!
-Grins-
Cause the family that wanted to adopt them prefered Shrek & Sesame..
Poor Janice's mum..
Heard she got really attached to those 2..
Well, I've still got my two!!
Hahahhaa
Yaay!
Gonna buy them a toy..
It's been A Math, A Math, A Math these few days..
Grr...
So tired...
Still got trial test tmr..
-Groans-
Gonna have nice dinner tonight though..
-Yawns-
Bye.. Bunny stuff now.
:)
Aggie: Why not?? ...DARLING... Hahhaa
Yi: Stuff's stressful.. -Bleah- haha
Umbrella!: Hahah.. but if it doesn't rain then you'll be on some shelf all alone!! :)
Kiat: You're nuts. That's all I have to say.. :p
Myko: Hello! Kk.. i'll tag u later..
Jackie: yeah man.. it's nice.. but this new one's better!
Sunday, September 5
I just got a call.
They're getting adopted.
Crying now.
But noone can see.
There'll be other rabbits coming.
But they're special, they're my very first pets.
I don't want to see them go.
This hurts bad.
It's not a lie, if you believe it
It's no mistake, if it's always repeated
I don't need to hear it from you
Hello..
I'm BORED
Noone's at home!
The little furballs've gone for a photoshoot and I'm all bloody alone..
-Grins-
So cute!
I miss them loads!!
Esp Oats..
:)
Silly little bunny..
Oh well, I'm gonna meet her later!
Shhh...
Hee hee..
Was gonna go to sfx but had noone to go with me...
So stuck myself at home..
Dawn's trying to get me out of the house now..
But by the time I get there it'll be about 11+ 12 so it's kinda a waste of time if the carnival's till 12...
Yeah..
-Yawns-
Arrgh!
I m i s s m y f u n n y b u n n y ! !
This's my second entry for today..
Why?
Because I'm BORED!
Arrgh!!
I can't get it into my fucking system that I'm supposed to study..
-Shakes head-
Still getting headaches from thinking about my problems...
It might spoil everything...
Arrgh!!!
Stress....
I miss my rabbit!
Grr..
Y'know something, my teachers day presents are in my room, all nicely wrapped and labeled and all..
But I just don't feel like giving anybody anything..
Except maybe gan ma and my pri school teachers...
Strange.
Sometimes I wish I didn't have to grow up and move on. Someimtes, I wish I could pause my life just as it's at it peak so that it can't fall apart and go down the drain. Sometimes, I wish I could just say what I feel, without worrying about the consequences, about the problems it might create. Sometimes, I wish I could let it all out, so that I'll feel better. But then again, my heart might (and most probably) would get broken again. Sometimes I wish I was immune to pain, all emotional pain, so I wouldn't be able to feel, to be able to hurt. -Sighs- This is just stressful sometimes. Advice from friends help, but ultimately, I have to make my own decision about the problem. To tell, or to keep it inside. There're pros and cons for both, and I've analysed it through and through, but I just can't seem to make up my mind. Sometimes, I wish my life was problem-free and I didn't have to make life changing decisions like this. -Sighs again-
Laadidumdidum..
I wanna watch sesame street and pooh bear...
I forgot how to spell whinee..
Hahahhahhaha...
Friday, September 3
This is me with the words on the tip of my tongue
And my eye through the skull down the barrel of a gun
Remind me not to ever act this way again.
Hey hello..
Min & Lyn're currently at my place..
Doing.. Err..
Not supposed to say..
But something to Min...
Hahaha..
Well, I doubt it's what you're thinking lah..
But yeah.
Doing something.
Yup
Had lunch with 'em at Compass (my treat)
Then we bought ice cream and choc and stuff to pig out here..
Gonna eat more ice cream later..
:)
Today's the last day of career fair..
Nothing interesting..
Except the mask painting thing
Still dunno why we have to keep it in sch..
-Rolls eyes-
Then we had some disciplinary talk crap..
Same old same old...
PTM later..
-Makes a face-
Think I'll probably get screwed over.
Ok, I'm just typing so that I don't have to look over to where Min and Lyn are..
It's not me, but I'm fucking scared.
Now Min's looking over my shoulder!
Go away you asshole!!
No Min, you don't have feelings.. you're a MUSHROOM!
Shoo!
Hahaha..
Min's fucking cold..
Loser..
She asked for it..
Ahahhahaha..
Mum's back soon..
They'd better hurry and get it over with.
Ciao, gonna hear Min scream...
Now she's asking me to do it..
Not a chance in hell!!
Wednesday, September 1
Today's a slack day..
Die.
Everyone's at the airport..
No appitite here..
-Makes a face-
Love this song (semi-charmed life)
It's gonna be the second song I learn on guitar..
:p
Gotta run..
Princess Diaries showing now!
See ya.
Third Eye Blind: Semi-Charmed Life
Do-do-do do-do-do-doodoo-do-do-do do...
I'm packed and I'm holding, I'm smiling,
She's living, she's golden, she lives for me
She says she lives for me
Ovation, her own motivation
She comes round and she goes down on me
And I make her smile like a drug for you
Do ever what you want to do
Coming over you
Keep on smiling what we go through
One stop to the rhythm that divides you
And I speak to you like the chorus to the verse
Chop another line like a coda with a curse
And I come on like a freak show takes the stage
We give them the games we play, she said
I want something else
To get me through this
Semi-charmed kind of life, baby, baby
I want something else,
I'm not listening when you say
Good-bye
Do-do-do do-do-do-doodoo-do-do-do-doooo-do do
The sky was gold, it was rose
I was taking sips of it through my nose
And I wish it could get back there
Some place back there
Smiling in the pictures you would take
Doing crystal meth will lift you up until you break
It won't stop, I won't come down
I keep stock with a tick-tock rhythm and a bump for the drop
And then I bumped up, I took the hit that I was given
Then I bumped again, And then I bumped again,
and said
How do I get back there
To the place where I fell asleep inside you
How do I get myself back to the place
where you said
I want something else
To get me through this
Semi-charmed kind of life, baby, baby
I want something else,
I'm not listening when you say
Good-bye
I believe in the sand beneath my toes
The beach gives a feeling;an earthy feeling
I believe in the faith that grows
And the four right chords can make me cry
When I'm with you I feel like I could die
And that would be all right, all right
When the plane came in she said she was crashing
The velvet it rips in the city
We tripped on the urge to feel alive
But now I'm struggling to survive
Those days you were wearing that velvet dress
You're the priestess I must confess
Those little red panties they pass the test
Slide up around the belly face down on the mattress
One, and you hold me
And we are broken
Still it's all that I want to do
(Just a little now)
Feel myself head made underground
I'm scared I'm not coming down (no no)
And I won't run for my life
She's got her jaws just locked now in a smile
But nothing is all right, all right
And I want something else
To get me through this life, baby,
And I want something else,
I'm not listening when you say
Good-bye, good-bye, good-bye,good-bye....
Do-do-do-doodoo-do-do-do...