Sunday, October 31
Hey
2 days to 'O's..
Are you guys prepared?
Cos I sure as hell am not...
Fuck.
Wasted the past week when I should have been cramming..
-Sighs-
Well, my loss ain't it?
Saw sweets today..
And yday, and the day before, and the day before that..
-Grins happily-
Love that girl..
She just makes all my worries and problems disappear..
So I've sorta been having a problem-free weekend thanks to her...
Hopefully can meet her again tmr..
Somehow, can study at her place..
But of course, there're still distractions..
-Winks-
Friday, October 29
Hey
Been feeling kinda tense these few days..
So did this up..
Took less than 3 hours!
-Grins-
Not bad huh?
Leave some comments yeah?
:)
Finch - Three Simple Words
Open up my eyes, flooded with daylight
Another sleepless night turns color black and white
With all the things I've said
There is just regret, repeating in my head
Hands into a fist, static in my head
Now I'm sitting face to face with loneliness
What did I expect?
Did I see forever in you?
I never wanted it to hurt more than it should
I hope you're satisfied I never could
Time to close my eyes, forget about this mess
And try to fix this tragic loss of innocence
But how could I forget the things I have inside,
When everything is dead?
I never wanted it to hurt more than it should
I hope your satisfied, I never could
Can't you see, you left me here on my own
Give me one good reason why I should let go
With my hands around your neck,
Who will stop me now?
With my hands around your neck,
Who will stop me now?
Who will stop me now?
Who will stop me now?
Who will stop me now?
Who will stop me now?
Who will stop me now?
Who will stop me now?
Who will stop me now?
I never wanted it to hurt more than it should
I hope your satisfied, I never could
Can't you see, you left me here on my own
Give me one good reason why I should let go now.
Thursday, October 28
Hello..
Today had a 3/4 TSC outing..
Not really updating..
Go see kiat's blog for more stuff..
So tired..
My back's aching all over.
-Sighs-
Miss my little sweetie..
Might get to see her tmr if I'm lucky..
Then get to hang with her on sat..
-Grins-
*iloveyoubaby
Sunday, October 24
Got this from Kiat.. Bit lame but what the heck. Oh, Saw Kyer today! She's just the sweetest thing!! Arrgh! I fell in love.. :))
[01] First name: charmaine
[02] Middle name: zihui?
[03] Last name: sim
[04] Nickname: char
[05] Gender: female
[06] Age: 16.
[07] Birthday: 09-05-1988
[08] Height: 160. grr..
[09] Hair color: brownish-black
[10] Eye color: brownish
[11] Race: chinese
12] Do you wear glasses or contacts: glasses
[13] Do you have braces: used to.. they're gone now.. -grins for emphasis-
[14] Is your hair long or short: short!!
[15] Where were you born: mount elizabeth.
[16] Current location: in the living room.
[17] Zodiac sign: tarus
[18] How many languages do u know: english, teochew, pathetic chinese.
[19] Nationality: singaporean.
[20] Bad habits: scratching my head
[21] Piercings you have: none
[22] Piercings you want: none
[23] Tattoos you have: none
[24] Tattoos you want: something to do with a skeleton & sports
[25] Today's date: 24-10-2004
[26] The time: 20:49
[27] Ready for more questions?: shoot
---SCHOOL LIFE---
[43] Are you still in school : yup
[44] Did you drop out: nope
[45] Currently in: SJC.
[46] Favorite grade: sec3.
[47] Least fav grade: sec 1
[48] Favorite teachers: Mrs Ng!
[49] Least fav teacher/lecturer: miss lim (ppl ought to know)
[50] Favorite subjects: english, lit, bio, history.
[51] Least fav subject: chinese, ss, maths
[52] Do you buy lunch or bring it: depends
[53] Play any sports on the school's team: np counted?
[54] Do you do any co-curricular activitives: NPCC
[55] Are you popular: naah
[56] Favourite dance: i don't dance
[57] Least fav dance: i don't dance
[58] Favorite memories: -grins- shan't tell you
[59] Least fav memories: err.. when I get my heart broken?
--FAVOURITES--
[61] Favourite number: 5
[62] Clothing brand: billabong
[63] Shoes: my Converse!
[64] Phrases: like eww!
[65] Favourite TV shows: the o.c.!! charmed, smallville
[66] Sports: soccer, basketball, biking, skating
[69] Movie: Love actually, The day after tmr
[70] Magazine: teens
[71] Actor: BENJAMIN MCKENZIE! Jake Gyllenhaal!
[72] Actress: Kiera Knightly!
[73] Candy: Mmm.. Hit me!
[74] Gum: Go on, hit me with anything!
[75] Scent: chocolate??
[76] Choc bar: Hershey.
[77] Ice cream flavour: Chocolate fudge with extra chocolate and chocolate.
[78] Colors: Blue, black, yellow, white
[79] Seasons: winter
[80] Holidays: December ones.
[81] Bands: Yellowcard, Vertical Horizon, Taking Back Sunday, Sugarcult, SR-71, The Calling, Swirl 360, Ryan Cabrera.. Ahyah.. Many many!
[82] Singers: Rachel Stevens.. She's hot.. :)
[83] Group: S Club 7
[84] Rappers: Eminem
[85] Types of music: Punk rock, pop, alternative rock, alternative punk
[86] Things in your room: my bball, wallet, chain, cuff, board, radio, table, stuffed stuff, clothes, books, notes & Mr. Rolley. (sometimes bunnys go in)
[87] Place to be: anywhere outside the house
[88] Radio station: Perfect 10 or Power 98
[89] TV channel: Channel 5, Channel i, central
[90] Food: depends on my mood..
[91] Overall food: mum's choc chip cookies
[92] Store: any skate, sport or surf shop or anything with nice nice clothes and sports stuff
[94] Fast food: KFC
[95] Restaurant: Swensens
[96] Shape: star
[97] Songs: Ryan Cabrera's True for now..
[98] Musical intrument: electric guitar
[99] Person you love most: Oats.
[100] What do you wanna say most now: Lots of things that will never be said to certain people.
Saturday, October 23
"The man who is born to be a dictator is not compelled. He wills it. He is not driven forward, but drives himself. There is nothing immodest about this. Is it immodest for a worker to drive himself toward heavy labor? Is it presumptuous of a man with the high forehead of a thinker to ponder through the nights till he gives the world an invention? The man who feels called upon to govern a people has no right to say, 'If you want me or summon me, I will cooperate.' No! It is his duty to step forward. The army which we have now formed is growing day to day. I nourish the proud hope that one day the hour will come when these rough companies will grow to battalions, the battalions to regiments, the regiments to divisions, that the old cockade will be taken from the mud, that the old flags will wave again, that that there will be a reconciliation at the last great divine judgment which we are prepared to face. For it is not you, gentlemen, who pass judgment on us. That judgment is spoken by the eternal court of history...Pronounce us guilty a thousand times over: the goddess of the eternal court of history will smile and tear to pieces the State Prosecutor's submissions and the court's verdict; for she acquits us."
-Hitler.
Friday, October 22
Ryan Cabrera - True
I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me
You might think
I don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
Mmmm
I'm weak
It's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that’s true
So I will not hide
It’s time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
You don't know
What you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak
It's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that’s true
So I will not hide
It’s time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that’s true
So I will not hide
It’s time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
Hey
Yday's TSC outing was fun..
Skipped Lit
Got really drenched while walking to meet Kiat.
Shivering dripping wet drenched.
-Sniffs-
But, fun.
Blew $70 bucks in all.
Got some nice nice jeans with TSC's stamp of approval.
Realised that I can play pool..
I just need to find the right cue.
-Grins-
Saw a particular pretty boy at monster too.
Then on to the arcade.
Got busted around.
Saw some people I hated to the bloody damn core.
Uggh.. Sick.
I can count the number of days to 'O's with two hands.
That is not good.
Tuesday, October 19
Feeling out of it.
Not just now, the whole damn day's been like this.
My feelings've just been amplified.
Fucked up with everything.
Had an sms discussion with Lyn.
We're both fucked up.
It's all so fucked up.
Funny how moods can change so suddenly huh?
-Laughs-
I just wish there was an end to all this bullshit.
I wish I could just end it.
But as eveyone knows, I can't.
I'm probably gonna fuck it up even worse later on.
So just wait and laugh and enjoy people.
Enjoy seeing me screw up my whole fucking life.
I wish you well bitch.
Saturday, October 16
I swear, this's the cutest bunny picture I've ever seen.
Little Landy doing the siesta!
Little Woody and Landy's bedtime.. Aww..
Little Landy & little Woody
Okay I'm up!! -Yawns- This's great... My folks are outta town for the weekend so I got the whole place to myself! -Grins- Anywaies, wanna update about yday cos loadsa things happened!
Skipped school and met up with Min opposite sch yday.. Then Lyn was late so we went up to the top floor of one of the blocks to look at school.. Saw loadsa ppl walking around.. Lame fun.. Then went to the bball court to hang around awhile before meeting Lyn (who was waaaaay late) outside school.. Then we drove into sch so Lyn could hand in some crap thing.. And do you know how many teachers are late for school?? It's stupid! Whay can't they all come on time so I don't have to hide from them everytime I see them? Grr.. And those other two idiots took to waving to all the teachers! damnit, I was in home clothes!! -rolls eyes-
Yeah.. So after that incident, we went to Gardens Macs to study! Min and I were listening to 98.7 plat on the radio when they were talking about the stress buster kit thing so we both decided that she should sms them.. It was just for the hell of it, but then someone called Min and she asked if we wanted to say hi to Grace.. We're like, who the hell is Grace? And Min said after hanging up, 'Hey, Grace Chua and Daniel Ong from Perfect 10 coming in half and hour to give us the stress buster kit!' At that point in time, Lyn and I were in shock! Happy shock!! So happy shock!! Couldn't study after that.. When I finally managed to calm down and look at my book, I heard a voice asking for Min and when I looked up, I saw Daniel Ong and Grace Chua (who was in pink and looked good btw) at the Macs enterence. Damn cool! And Macs was so bloody full of students! Haha.. So Min raised her hand then Grace came and sat down with us.. Shocked was the word, total shock. So they talked about what was in the kit then mentioned that Min had to go on air. Min was 'What??? ON AIR!! No no!' Whahahhaa.. So Daniel was on his hp (6100 I think) and used the speaker to convey what Min said live on air! We could all hear it cos Macs was tuned into 98.7.. After interviewing Min, he went on after some other student who were there.. It was lame, but funny lame.. -Grins- And Grace Chua's pretty!! Even in PINK!! -Grins again- Hahaha. So they sat and talked with us a bit more.. Grace was friendlier than Daniel was.. And we got pictures with them!! -Big grin- Hahaha.. Damn cool! They kept shaking our hands and telling us to study hard and do well.. When they left, we were still shocking. :) After dividing the kit up, we couldn't study. Kept looking at the Macs enterence as if expecting Grace and Daniel to come barging in again! Haha..
Since we couldn't study properly, I went to Lyn's house for awhile then met Min to go for NYJC open house.. Was a bit late cos I was looking at last year's yearbook and stuff.. -Smiles- Saw GERALD and JUI YING there! Didn't realise how much I missed them! :)) Happy! But overall, the open house was crap.. Saw lots of SJCians and Cedarians there though..
After the open house, we went back to Lyn house to hang around. Read some SVU book that made me think and wish and hope. But yeah, doubt it's gonna happen right? Yuppers.. Around 5, we walked to gardens to get ourselves accqainted with the new ice-cream shop! Along the way, I dared Min to jump into the drain and walk in it.. And she did. -_-" Hahhaha.. Smelly smelly Min! While walking to the ice-cream shop, we noticed Cartel had some filming thing going on.. Saw Darylyn there too.. On the walk to Video Ez, I saw Edmund Chen!! He's so cute!! Then realised that they were filming for Happy Fish 2!! Looked closere inside Cartel and saw the whole damn cast there!! ARRGH! but got dragged away by Min and Lyn. Got my The Day After Tomorrow vcd! Jake Gyllenhaal! Went Chomps cos Min wanted food. Saw Tiang there. Then took the bus back home..
Watched The Day After Tomorrow which took up the better bit of the night. Managed to look through a bit of Bio before knocking out..
Reading through many people's blogs, I notice that they all talk about yday being the last day of school and how they'll miss their friends, sec sch life and all so thought I'd write something too. So here goes..
The best years of my life, Secondary school. It seems weird how four years can pass so quickly and how fast our 'O's are coming. It's scary. But what's scarier is that I probably won't be seeing some of you ever again and heck, I doubt we'll recognise each other even if we run into each other. So I wanna take this chance to say 'Thank you'. Because every single one of you has helped made me who I am today. Thank you for your friendship, your guidance and your love. Thank you for the times you made me smile when I was low, thank you for the time you've held me when I cried and for the great times thet we've shared together. You guys are really, the best friends I could ever find. I mean that. Thank you for all the wonderful memories and joys you've brought me. Thank you all. I'll definately miss you all when the year ends, that goes without saying. Here's hoping that we won't lose track of each other when we go to separate school and that we can find the time to meet up with each other. Now, here's to the school and certain teachers. Thanks for putting up with me. I know it was hard and all but I really enjoyed some of the lessons taught. The school, well, I'll never forget the corners and corridors that things happened in. The school is sorta like a box, with all my memories intact. Yeah, gonna miss every bit of it.
Okay, I don't really know what i'm talking about anymore so I'll stop now.. Getting hungry anywaies. See ya.
Thursday, October 14
hahahaha hello char!!!!!! you stink. hahahaha. okay i dont mean that. but.... HAHAHA. oh well. check my blog check my blog! for more details! :) kiat
hahah..
Yeah, that was Kiat..
Know I ain't supposed to update till I can tic-tack but yeah..
Since I'm at Kiat's house and all..
Might as well..
Anywaies, went shopping with the Thursday Shopping Crew at Thompson Plaza...
And we got 'stalked' by some spirit-fingers guy..
He's oookay.. But really quiet..
Yeah
-Yawns-
Feeling damn wiped...
Skipped tution..
No thanks kiat, ain't hungry...
Yep..
Oh, I got included into Ashes!
And I'm supposed to increase the tension between me and someone till that person can't take it so she'll either kill herself or I kill her!
Yaay! Fun-o-logy!
-Grins-
Hopefully she kills herself so I don't have to dirty my Gucci nails while killing her..
I mean, she's irritating the hell outta every damn person but she doesn't know it!
Hahaha..
More dense than I am!
What an achievement!
-Yawns-
Okay, I gotta head home really soon..
Dead beat..
Skated yday..
Could almost tic-tack..
Almost..
Yeah..
Today wasn't in quite a good mood initially,
Cause saw something that kinda pissed me off..
People close to me know what i'm tlaking about..
Yeah
But when Kiat, Janice and Anthea DRAGGED me all the way to the damn bus stop, kinda managed to get it all out..
kiat: and i'm sure the whole sengkang knows that char got dragged to thomson plaza too, cause you scream too damn loudly lah!!
But screaming, kicking, fighting and yelling helped ease all my tension...
It's good!!
And oh, I got a free bus ride!
Cos they were pushing and shoving me towards the back of the bus and all.. ahhaha
Then still fought with anthea.. :)
kiat: who ask you fight back!! just face it man! you're stuck with the thursday shopping crew!!! HA!
Yeah yeah.. don't have a choice yeah?
Lucky you all didn't rip my uniform or bag..
My mum would have slaughtered me..
ahahha
kiat: no but then we'll have yet another reason to go shopping with the.... *drumroll THURSDAY SHOPPING CREW!!!! yayyy!!!!
Hahaha.. But you all bruised my arms a bit.. ahhaha..
Still sore..
:)
No worries..
I heal good..
Hahaha...
Okay.. better get going..
See ya!
Monday, October 11
Hello!
-Grins-
You see that grin? Well, that's a happy grin!
Cos I GOT MY SKATEBOARD, CUFFS and CONVERSE SHOES!!
-Shrieks and runs away-
Hahaha..
So damn happy..
All thanks to Janice, Anthea and Kiat!
Cause they dragged me to Queenstown the other day if I hadn't gone, I wouldn't have known that Janice had skateboards to get rid of! And I never would have bought the Converse shoes and found the cuffs!!
Although I spent a bomb that day, it's was bloody worth it!!
Oh, also, we were just walking around and 'shocking' each other..
The three of them should know what I mean yeah?
-Rubs arms painfully-
Ahahhaha..
Happiness!
Janice and Gary passed me the boards (one's Min's) and shoes and cuffs yday..
Then met Min and we went to the carpark to skate!
Ohoh, I tore out the 'Emergency Exit' sign from a bus and now it's on my board!
Wahhahahaha…
Damn happy..
She fell like three times and (I'm proud to say this) I didn't fall once!!!
Hahaha
Fun-o-logy!
Yeah..
Then wore surprisingly nice clothes to tution and went dog walking after.
Walking around 2km with Jas in long-sleeve t-shirt, t-shirt and jeans!
So hot!!
Hhahaa..
Happy day!
Mum confiscated the boards though..
Ain't that bad..
Janice, Sze and Kiat came over just now before History to eat/look for boards..
But we didn’t find 'em..
Kiat and I suspected that they were hidden in the luggage and I just checked…
I FOUND MY BOARD!!Yaay!
Can't ollie just yet but I'm hoping to accomplish that soon
Shall go skate on Wed!!
I want Vans skate shoes!!!
-Grins again-
Okay, now's the time to reply to some really overdue tags..
:)
Dawnie: You bday's there!!
Kiat: Shopping!! Arrgh! Go go again!!! Ahhahaha.. Happy happy! It was a really GOOD Thursday too!
Princess: hey hello! Thanks for tagging.. Yup yup, you takecare too!
Darylyn: When's your bday?? You didn't tell me! And what's ur hp anywaies? Ahhaha.. I buy u Malteasers for x'mas kk? :)
Janice: cause you CAN'T COUNT girl! Shopping buddy!!!
Chelsea: Chel! –poke poke- See you in Mrs Ng's A Math class!!
Laopo: Hello! Long time no talk le! must meet up sometime to chat kk?
Lyn: Hahaha.. kk.. I go tag now! Whieee… SKATEBOARD!!
Wednesday, October 6
4 weeks to 'O's. I'm online. I feel really really bad. Like I'm breaching some trust contract or something. I planned my eight hours, I just need to get the ball rolling. Mum's trying to ease up on me, but whenever I come home, I
slack like shit. I'm so, so screwed. Fine. I WILL get the studying on after this entry. I have to.. Gan ma called and spoke with mum last night. Bloody freaky. They spoke quite a long while anywaies. Haha.. Okay.. Sad songs playing in my head. Lyn's getting a sheltie!! -Grins- At least that's something to look forward to.. Oh ya, that and the 'babe'. :) Feeling better than I have in days. Maybe it's all the bball-ing I did today. Guess it helped.. Something really weird happened yday. Embarrassing, and weird. Don't know what to expect now. Okay.. my 5 o'clock limit's up.. Goodbye blog, I hope I can stay away from you. -Grins- All the best folks, in whatever you do.
If she only knew
What I knew but couldn't say
If she could just see
The part of me that I hid away
If I could just hold her in my arms again
And just say "I Love You"
But she's gone away, maybe she'd stay
If she only knew
If she could just feel
What I feel here in my heart
She'd know it was real
Pure and true right from the start
But I'm just a man who didn't understamd
What she was going through
But she's gone away, maybe she'd stay
If she only knew
And how, how did I let her get away
Oh yeah yeah yeah
Cause love, love is so easy to feel
But the hardest thing to say
If she could just see (see)
What I see when I close my eyes (close my eyes)
All that I dream (dream)
Surely she would realise
But like a fool I waited much too long
To let her know the truth
She's gone away, maybe she'd stay
If she only knew
Won't you tell me tell me
How, how did I let her get away (tell me)
Cause I guess that love
Love is so easy to feel
But the hardest thing to say
If she only knew
What I knew but couldn't say
If she could just see
The part of me that I hid away
If I could just hold her in my arms again
And just say "I Love You". 'I love you'
She's gone away, maybe she'd stay
If she only knew,
(If she only knew
Maybe she'd stay, but she ran away
Why she had to go away
Cause of what I didn't say
Don't know what to do
Oh God, how I wish that she knew)
Sunday, October 3
I feel so bad. I just read somethig. It hurt me bad. Not to whine and act pathetic and all, but it really really hurt. And I don't know why it's getting to me. It's been so long. This shouldn't hurt at all. So why does it? Damn, I should never have clicked that link. -Slaps self- I dunno what's gonna happen to me. One mishap after another just keeps on happening. I don't know when it's gonna stop. If it ever stops. How'm I gonna pull through these 8 weeks? I don't think I can make it. How'm I gonna face my parents, my family, my friends? How can I hold my head high and walk on? It just seems pointless, and hopeless. No offence to my friends, but it's just different y'know? Yeah yeah, I know it's just a bloody waste of time thinking about this sorta stuff espically when 'O's are 3 weeks away, but I can't help it. Oh god, I wish none of this ever happened. I wish I never changed. I wish I could forget this. I wish I never felt anything. I wish I hated you.
I see the way he treats you
I feel those tears you cry
And it makes me mad, and it makes me sad
There's nothing I can do baby
Cuz your lover is my beat friend
And I guess that's where the story ends
So I've gotta try, and keep it inside
You will never be, never be mine
But,
If I was the one who was loving you
The only tears you cry would be tears of joy
And if I was by your side,
You'd never know one lonely night
And if it was my arms you were running to
I'd give you love in these arms of mine
If I was the one, in your life
Someday I pray,
That I'll find the strength,
To turn to you and say
If I was the one who was loving you
The only tears you cry would be tears of joy
And if I was by your side,
You'd never know one lonely night
And if it was my arms you were running to
I'd give you love in these arms of mine
If I was the one,
If I was the one,
If I was the one, in your life
Friday, October 1
Happy Children's Day my ass..
Things've been so, so fucked up..
Everything's gone.. Everyone's losing it..
My mum can't stop riding me about my fucking future and how I'll end up at bloody ITE if I don't work like crap ass.. Who gives a fuck anyway? There's not enough time anymore! I'll still end up at fucking ITE anyway! So why do you care so much? Since you already think that i can't make it anywhere, I might as well prove you right right? I mean you've always goota be right.. What you say goes.. So, why am I bothering anymore? It's just a waste of my time. I should just screw up all my god-damned results so that I can fail properly and not be like in between places. It's makes a lot of sense once you think about it doesn't it? Why work so hard when your parents, your own flesh and blood parents, think you can't make the cut?? Sure, it's your future, but since you're parents've given up hope of your getting a place anywhere, why're you still so bent on doing well?? It doesn't make sense to work anymore. Maybe I'll just be like *** and screw myself to hell and not come the fuck back. I'll just be some loser asshole who failed 'O's anyway. It doesn't matter to anyone. Oh bloody fuck. I feel like shit. -Sighs- I thought things were looking up since Woody & Landy came but I guess they're just as screwed as ever. What makes it worse, the problems I faced once are back to haunt me again. I don't think I can take anymore. It's too painful for you to comprehend. You think I'm fine, I'm just goofing around, joking, but I'm not. You don't know just how messed up I am now. But there's noone I can turn to. Noone who's gonna listen and understand. Oh wait a minute, so why am I still alive?