Sunday, December 31
Happy end of the year.
LOL. (sorry feli)
Saturday, December 30
I woke up from this dream to find that I was sleeping
So I went back to sleep and I dreamed I was awake
I locked myself inside but you were on the outside
I stood outside and watched but I couldn't let you in
If only you could see that you that is a part of me
Maybe you could see inside yourself
Wrote a letter to myself, but I couldn't bear to send it
So I tore it up and wrote a letter to a friend
If only you could know that growing up means letting go
Maybe then you'd grow up by yourself
I'm growing up again
I'm learning to accept
That all good things must come to an end
I'm growing up again
I'm trying to understand what it's like
To let go of a friend
Wednesday, December 27
I don't know why you affect me this way. It wasn't supposed to mean anything, but it turned out to mean everything. I shouldn't have trusted my heart and let myself go, thinking that this time would be different from all the others. That this time would be special. I'm not saying that it wasn't special for that short duration cause it was. I really enjoyed your company and miss it dearly. However, you don't seem to notice my feelings and I. Hell, I don't think you even care. Do you know that I still cry over you? Even though it wasn't much.. or anything for that matter. I'm such a mess right now. At the slightest mention of your name my mood will sour and I'd just get depressed and moodless. I can't go on like this. People say "You'll get over it in time", but I wonder if I'll ever "get over it" proper. Almost everything makes me think about you. And seeing your brother online everyday doesn't help matters.
Everything will be wonderful someday?
Yeah right.
I miss you. And I hope to the heavens that you'll come back.
Backstreet Boys - Just Want You To Know
Looking at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night
Wrapped around your finger, always in my mind
The days they blend 'cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were everything, everything to me
I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I'll make it through, and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again, just want you to know
All the doors are closing
I'm trying to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it was me instead
My dreams are empty from the day
The day you slipped away
And I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I'll make it through, and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again, just want you to know
That since I lost you, I lost myself
I know I can't fake it, there's no one else
I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I'll make it through, and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again, just want you to know
Cause I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I'll make it through, and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again, just want you to know
Tuesday, December 26
Its 6.31am.
I slept at 10pm yesterday and got up at 2am today.
Can't seem to get back to sleep.
Maybe its going overboard.
Say goodnight and go.
I'm having trouble sleeping
I'm thinking of what you said
About the tears been shed
Leave me
It's you
Now and always you, but never me
I've never dared to, let my feelings free
Why's it always you, and never me?
I've never cared too much about honesty
Monday, December 25
baah christmas.
Sunday, December 24
I've just learnt about Socks's passing.
I.. I don't know what to say.
I will just pray.
Take care Jo.
It's hard even though I said I'd let go.
I still cry when I think about you.
The holidays never fail to make me sad.
Daphne Loves Derby - Christmas Lights
Its been two weeks since you left from this town
Three more days then you'll be home to save me
From this winter chill
Christmas lights in different shades of blue
I looked so pale, I feel so sick
To not be here with you
Just tell me that
You miss me too
You've been gone for too long
And I
I need you to be back home with me now
The snow outside means nothing when you're gone
Everything I needed is in you
So please come back
Please tell me everything about your stay
Swear I'll listen to the end
Even if you dont make sense now
December never was this dull before
I'll wait for your return
Just tell me you'll return
Just tell me that
You miss me too
You've been gone for too long
And I
I need you to be back home with me now
The snow outside means nothing when you're gone
Everything I needed is in you
So please come back
Come back
And I
I need you to be back home with me now
The snow outside means nothing when you're gone
Everything I needed is in you
So please come back
Saturday, December 23
Dang, I cried whilst watching this.
I wasn't meant to love like this
Not without you
Cause when I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn't rhyme
Without you
When I see how my path
Seemed to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars
FCC's Christmas Potluck today(Friday)!
Only Sze, Ant and I were on time.
The rest were late.
Met Sze and Ant at gardens then we went to get drinks and cabbed to Ant's.
Jan came, then Lena&Colin, and finally Feli&Ale.
There was pizza, shephards pie, rice with msg and a lot of chicken wings.
We managed to finish almost everything despite the huge amount of food.
Hung around Ant's backroom channel surfing while a sick Lena slept.
When it got late, Lena&Colin left, followed by Jan and I awhile later.
There were some.. complications so Jan and I ended up at Jalan Kayu for latenight taohuay and prata.
We then walked from Jalan Kayu to my place.
Took an hour plus.
It was pretty fun emoing around on deserted roads with wet puddles of muddy stuff everywhere.
When we walked past NanChiauHigh there was a light on in the school.
Stupid Jan pointed it out to me and we were both so freaked that we screamed.
And our screams echoed off the blocks nearby.
So scary lah.
But fun.
Ant, my Breezer's still in your fridge and the ice cream went untouched. I like Kitty.
Feli, its been soooo long since I last saw you. You're really looking more and more like Auntie lah.
Jan, hope your problems get resolved soon. Lemmie know if there's anything ya? Don't follow your "family curse" thing.
Lena, I hope Colin isn't too freaked out by us. Chicken wings were yummy. Get well soon.
Sze, your shephards pie and rice with msg nice la. But I was too full to finish. Hee.
FCC, I had fun. Hope you guys did too.
Will someone come hold me? I feel so alone..
Well the stars aren't out tonight
But neither are we to look up at them
Why does hello feel like goodbye?
Friday, December 22
Yellowcard - View From Heaven
I'm just so tired
Won't you sing me to sleep
Fly through my dreams
So I can hitch a ride
With you tonight
And get away from this place
Have a new name and face
I just ain't the same without you in my life
Late night drives
All alone in my car
I can't help but start
Singing lines
From all our favorite songs
And melodies in the air
Singing, life just ain't fair
But sometimes I still just can't
Believe you're gone
And I'm sure the view from Heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in Heaven
Then we will make it through
One more year, down here
Feel your fire, when it's cold in my heart
And things sorta start reminding me
Of my last night with you
I only need one more day
Just one more chance to say
I wish that I had gone up with you too
And I'm sure the view from Heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in Heaven
Then we will make it through
One more year, down here
You won't be coming back
And I didn't get to say goodbye
I really wish I got to say goodbye
And I'm sure the view from Heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in Heaven
Then we will make it through
One more year, down here
I hope that all is well in Heaven
Cause it's all shot to hell down here
I hope that I find you in Heaven
Cause I'm so lost without you down here
You won't be coming back
And I didn't get to say goodbye
I really wish I got to say goodbye
Tuesday, December 19
I'm self-learning photoshop!
It keeps me up till 6am in the morning!
Monday, December 18
I was happy angry at you.
Damn.
Breaking Benjamin - Forget it
Its a crime, you let it happen to me
Nevermind, I let it happen to you
Outta mind, forget it
There's nothing to lose but my mind and all the things I wanted
Everytime I get it, throw it away
It's a sign, I get it, I wanna stay
By the time I lose it, I'm not afraid
I'm alive but I can surely fake it
How can I believe when this cloud hangs over me?
You're the part of me that I don't wanna see
Forget it, forget it, forget it
Forget it, forget it, forget it
Forget it, forget it, forget it
Forget it, forget it, forget it
Forget it, forget it
There's a place I see you, follow me
Just a taste of all that might come to be
I'm alone but holding breath you can breathe
To question every answer counted
Just fade away
Please let me stay
Caught in your way
Just fade away
Please let me stay
Caught in your way
Forget it, forget it, forget it
Forget it, forget it, forget it
Forget it, forget it, forget it
Forget it, forget it, forget it
Forget it, forget it
It's a crime, you let it happen to me
I don't mind, I love it, easy to please
Nevermind, forget it, just memory
Or a page inside a spiral notebook
Just fade away
Please let me stay
Caught in your way
I can live forever here
Just fade away
Please let me stay
Caught in your way
I can live forever here
How can I believe when this cloud hangs over me?
You're the part of me that I don't wanna see
I can live forever here
Saturday, December 16
People all walking, leaving behind,
Someone who wants them to stay.
Thursday, December 14
Forget my last post.
I'm watching the sun rise and thinking of you all over again.
Damn you darling.
Decorating the tree made me think of you
And how much I'd love for you to be there with me.
The sunrise is beautiful.
Goodbye baby,
Thank you for the memories.
love,
tato
You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you, too much to make you stay
Baby fly away
Sunday, December 10
Hanging onto photographs, scenes of better days
Self-explaining silhouettes of games I used to play
I don't think I'll ever get around to throwing them away
Nothing seems to happen baby since you've been away
Crossword puzzle, half completed, lying on the floor
Cigarette butts seem to lead me nearer to the door
I don't think you're ever coming round any more
I have never felt this bad at any time before
Won't you come back
Baby won't you come back
I need you
Oh how I need you
Won't you come on home baby,
I need you.
Saturday, December 9
Thursday,
Went to town with Rene to watch Fiona work at her they-pay-me-to-just-sit-there job.
It was literally just sitting there doing nuts.
We accompanied her on her break and stood around for another 3 hours chatting.
Met Gina Ang again after what, 3 years of no contact?
We ranted and raved about old school times and feeling old.
Feels good to see old friends, no matter how distant.
Went to meet my cousins after that.
Had Subway at cini(the outlet there very kiam siap) and we wanted to catch Open Season but umm we missed the show by 15 minutes cause I went late.
Oops.
So we walked to the Balcony and had a couple of drinks.
And there I found the older brother I never had.
Muahaha..
Adopted Yi Ge and he gentlemenly paid for all our drinks.
None of us were drunk or high so we drove to Newton for supper.
Chicken wings rock my socks.
Jasmine was going O.O at how much chicken wings I could stomach.
Rachel's mum sponsored the foodfest so there was orh lua and stingray too.
We had this suprisingly enlightening talk about our lives and futures.
I never knew my cousin was so deep.
Slept at four plus.
Friday,
Got up at eight am and I couldn't fall back asleep.
The thing with nycki was bugging me badly so I smsed her.
Managed to sleep till 11 after that but got up when she replied.
"I'll think about it."
Thanks darling, thanks ah.
You sooo obviously give a fuck about my feelings.
><
Met Sze and Lena in town.
Dropped by Fiona's and walked aimlessly around Paragon's basement.
Picked Fiona up and we went for sushi at cini.
I ate my potato thingy (which took an hour to arrive) and coke.
Then we walked down to MonsterCue intending to shoot some pool.
But uncle raised the price to friggin $10.50 per hour.
Nucking futs! ><
So onward to Plaza Sing.
Daiso is cool. Their little paper umbrellas really do shield you from the sun.
Got myself this: 
Anthea says,
"CHAIRMAN! YOU GOT PROMOTED LAH!"
Had some Sweet Secrets after.
Yummy mudcake with milk!
But the milk cost two-bloody-fifty! And it wasn't fantastic!
Met Ant and we went to dinner.
Sat and talked about alot about the where-will-we-be-five-years-down-the-road shit.
Due to Ant's creativity, we left pretty late.
Will post pictures of today once Lena sends 'em.
Cheers.
Wednesday, December 6
Conversations on a tagboard:
ant: wahlao you'll damn free already la! dammit...
janice: queensway sounds good! then we can go see my TOO BIG FOR ME underground shoes that i like. remember? haha!
janice: ant u don't make sense, i don't know how you know i'm damn free.. but im really damn free now lah! (:
ant: it's written in one of your entries la! haha. wahlaosey... call me out! maybe i can... maybe...
janice: where got! i never write lah! haha... which entry.. anyhow only.. when u start ur holidays or when are u free?
char: fcuk.. that woman will drop dead any minute..
ant: the friday, dec 1st entry. you quit your job so you're at home alot. haha! you don't anyhow me! free on weekdays! hols start on 17th \: grawrrr....
janice: wahahaha! oh i didn't remember saying that, but apparently i did lah. oh wells... haha! ant will drop dead anytime? wahahha!!! (:
janice: funeral for a friend la. LAME ****. ahahhaha!
janice: weekdays meaning monday to friday right?? haha! nvm lah. i will be MORE free after the 12th. once im done with the assignment (:
jOlEnE: i hate the models ... so skiinny !!! onli BONES ..!!! i cant believe it .. they are humans !!!
ant: lawl... wth?!?!!! hahaha. anything! char's talking about the skinny models la, not me!
janice: omg. i thought char was talking about you lah ant! hahah!!! lol... stupid.
janice: char's stupid haha!
janice: i thought was trying to say you are damn busy.. to the point you will drop dead anytime! hahahhaha!!! stupid..
janice: jolene, my blog looks nicer than yours. come on...
janice: drop dead anytime! ahhahahah! omg... omg... this is damn stupid lah!......
ant: hahaha siao!
janice: ................
char: jan you think too much. g'night.
And Janice says I'm stupid.
lol.
I'm in the middle of a break down,
Watching you scream,
In the middle of a break down,
Screaming at me.
And by the way,
By the way,
What made you think youd have it your way,
And by the way,
By the way,
Don't say I didn't warn you,
That I'll always stay the same.
Monday, December 4
"Take care of yourself.. Dont think we'll ever talk again. So, goodbye."
You said I'd never lose you,
But I lost you anyway.
I wish you'd give a damn about the way I feel.
Tyler was right, its better not to want anything at all.
Do you ever feel like giving up?
I raise my hands up towards the sky
And say this prayer for you tonight,
Because nothing is impossible.
As I sit here all alone,
I wonder how I'm supposed to carry on
When you're gone.
I'll never be the same without you,
I love you more than you will ever know.
So maybe now you finally know:
Sometimes we're helpless and alone,
But you can't let it keep you weighted down.
You must go on.
The hardest part isn't finding what we need to be,
It's being content with who we are.
Sunday, December 3
Tony Hawk is a skateboarding legend.
http://www.thp8.com/
Just watch Step Up and I must say that it is one heck of an inspiring show.
Especially the line, "Do you think this is the best we can be?"
I felt like picking up all the things I gave up on and giving them a second chance.
Basketball, guitar, friends, studies, life.
There was another line that I felt I could relate to too.
"For me, its just better not to want anything. That way if it goes away or doesn't happen, y'know, it just doesn't matter."
Wonder how long the feeling will last this time.
Funeral For A Friend - This Year's Most Open Heartbreak
Broken hearts
Swept to hands that tied me
It's a pointles game
What better, let's play
Suicide
To kiss your kids goodnight
What you take from them
What they've taken from you
To be the last one
Who will sing you to sleep
To be the last one
Who will sing you to
Just like your broken records (your broken)
Will convert for you tonight
Broken hearts
Swept to hands that tied me
It's a pointles game
What better, let's play
Suicide
To kiss your kids goodnight
What you take from them
What they've taken from you
Just like your broken records (your broken)
Will convert for you tonight
Just like your broken records (your broken)
Will convert for you tonight
(We well never be the same)
Same old songs on a brand new stereo
(We well never be the same)
Same old songs on a brand new stereo
(We well never be the same)
Same old songs on a brand new stereo
Same old songs
To be the last one
Who will sing you to sleep
To be the last one
Who will sing you to
Just like your broken records (your broken)
Will convert for you tonight
Just like your broken records (your broken)
Will convert for you tonight