Friday, August 31
I've been re-reading all my old blog entries this week.
Stopped at the end of last year.
Partially cause I'm afraid of what I'll read and remember from this year.
My wounds are still raw and will be ripped open again if I continue to read.
Looking forward to tomorrow's birthday bbq for my scandal Guin.
Hopefully I'll be staying over then heading down to Marina Square in the morning to make ice cream and chocolates for the public to eat.
Its some CE(creative engagement) thing we gotta do for school.
Then its off to the Comex convention at Suntec to buy hard disk and (pray hard)a new, smaller mp3 player.
Audrey, Steph, Tiang, Rebby, Niz, Pearlyn, Nycki, Rae
Here's a song/poem from December of last year
I woke up from this dream to find that I was sleeping
So I went back to sleep and I dreamed I was awake
I locked myself inside but you were on the outside
I stood outside and watched but I couldn't let you in
If only you could see that you that is a part of me
Maybe you could see inside yourself
Wrote a letter to myself, but I couldn't bear to send it
So I tore it up and wrote a letter to a friend
If only you could know that growing up means letting go
Maybe then you'd grow up by yourself
I'm growing up again
I'm learning to accept
That all good things must come to an end
I'm growing up again
I'm trying to understand what it's like
To let go of a friend
Scratch the sleeping at 10pm thing.
Its 1am now.
Ended up watching DOA with dad.
Stupid show really, the only good thing's the fight scenes and the hot chicks.
Sarah Carter and Holly Valance are so drool-worthy.
PP time.
Marianas Trench - Alive Again
I felt it turn to come and go,
Don't worry no one ever knows,
I don't know why it just won't die,
It breaks me in to stay alive
I know it hurt a lot like you,
C'mon I know that you felt it too,
It hurts the same and that's ok,
I never liked him anyway
I know, I know, I know, I
It seems so long since I've been gone,
I got so used to just hanging on,
I feel so wrong I don't belong,
I got so used to just hanging on
I'm used to starting out instead,
It's easier than faking it,
Sometimes it hurts but that's no worse,
Than all those times, I guess it works
I know they walked away with a piece of me,
The more I know that I won't go
The more I bruise from laying low
I know, I know, I know, I
It seems so long since I've been gone,
I got so used to just hanging on,
I feel so wrong, I don't belong,
and I know and I know and I know
I walk around like I'm alive again
But I know it's just not the same,
And I walk around like I'm alive again
Shut up
Shut up, shut up
And I walk around like I'm alive again
but I know it's just not the same,
And I walk around like I'm alive again,
I know it's not the same
I broke it all
I'm sorry, I broke it, I broke it all
I'm sorry, I broke it all
I'm sorry, I broke it, I broke it all
(I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry)
(I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry)
I don't know why it just won't die
I'm sorry, I broke it, I broke it all
I don't know why it just won't die
I'm sorry, I broke it, I broke it all
I don't know why it just won't die
I'm sorry, I broke it, I broke it all,
And I'm fading
Thursday, August 30
Monday
Ended up downloading movies and Kyle XY the tv series and watching them instead of doing my PP.
Watched a ton of movies in the afternoon.
Then went for the W36Q chalet/bbq at Pasir Ris.
Stayed a couple of hours, didn't eat anything, but we still gotta pay.
I'm so broke now please.
Came home and tried to do abit more of my PP before watching more movies and sleeping late.
Tuesday
Woke up, had lunch, went to school for a discussion.
Then went to Gardens to get my $28 hair wax before heading home and watching more crap on my laptop.
Wednesday
No meetings, was supposed to play basketball but it rained in the morning so that put a damper on my plans.
Downloaded and watched more Kyle XY and movies.
Thursday
Just back from Gardens with Lyn, Min, Sze, Safy, John and Kelda.
Had chicken wings half sponsored by Min. (Yes I'm that poor)
Dean is so smart, he called me earlier and went "AH-HA! YOU HAVEN'T DONE YOUR PP RIGHT?"
On Sunday, I told Dean I was gonna finish my PP on Monday then he said "You sure drag until Friday one."
Clever Dean.
I've got $20 exactly in my wallet.
I need $15 for this Sat's bbq.
$5 will have to last me till the middle of next month where I will get $100 to spread out for September.
Man, wish I could just sleep and wake up when September ends, like that song.
It'll save me a hell lotta money.
Lets see what I spent the $200 my parents advanced me on.
$28 for hair wax
$80 on clothes
$20 to top up my ez-link.
$52 to get bus concession
Total = $180
Wow, I really have exactly $20 left.
Fuck.
I'm so tired now that I'm gonna sleep even though its only 10pm.
It only hurt a bit
I still feel like shit
And I think you won't be able to recognize me now
It's easier to quit
Harder to admit and
You're pushin me, you're fucking pushin me
Feeling so easy
Make me skin and bones
I'm always on my knees for you
You break like it's even
When you're faking it
Thin, where have you been
Monday, August 27
Its only 4am and already I've got the Monday blues.
Gonna get my bloody PP done when I wake up.
Bedtime with my blisters now or I'll never get to sleep.
I need some pick-me-up music.
Sunday, August 26
Its gonna be a busy week next week.
Monday - Finshing my Professional Profile 2000-word report on HRSS and class BBQ.
Tuesday - Final Year Project
Wednesday - Final Year Project
Thursday - Final Year Project
Friday - Either FCC or basketball, and marinating chicken wings
Saturday - Guin's BBQ
Furthermore, I need to find some time this week to bring Woody and Landy to see Dr Heng at The Joyous Vet at Chua Chu Kang.
They haven't been eating well and Woody's been really short tempered.
I've also got to think of a surprise for Guin as well as what to get her for her birthday.
Damn FYP.
Anyway, a recap on this past week.
Wednesday
Got up early early and played some basketball nearby.
Not bad, I can still shoot. (:
Thursday
HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY JANICE-JENNYWONG-MOUSE-39YEAROLDPRETENDINGTOBE19-ONG!
Was supposed to wish her at 2359hours but I forgot and overshot. ><
Catching up with the rest of us now eh? (:
It was supposed to be the last day of school but my aching body would not get outta bed in the morning so I slept in.
Rae spoke to me the moment I got on msn which kinda made and broke my day all at once.
Watched movies online and read the rest of the day away.
Met Min, Lyn and Aloy at Compass for cheesefries at KFC and a walk-around before heading back home.
Oh, y'know, Hairspray is uploaded on youtube.com, the entire movie.
And its pretty good, even though I watched it at like 3am on Friday morning, it still made me feel like dancing.
Went out on Friday to Queensway with Anthea.
I spent about 80 bucks on clothes which I'm pretty happy with, especially my nice blue kiddish looking shirt and a new Atticus t-shirt.
Ant spent bout a hundred plus bucks but she got a nice little vest, very cool.
Then we got on a bus to Plaza Sing and walked around abit before settling down for some cheesecake plus ant at Secret Recipe.
All wiped out, we headed home.
Didn't find the hair wax I wanted at Compass so I biked down to Hougang to see if any of the shops there sold it, but didn't see squak.
Biked home, watched some tv, then fell asleep.
Saturday
Got up around 11am, smsed Guin and met up with her, Danny, Boye, Justin, Gigi, Xiang and Will at City Hall.
Headed down to IRC's Burger King for brunch where Dandan and Xin joined us.
Played CS until they asked me to log into Gigi's account to help them clock.
I did la.. But when I saw that slut talking in buddy list I couldn't take it so I blocked him. (:
Boye died during clock so I used my own character to clock with 'em during the second round.
I dunno what's up with Rae but she's the reason I don't log in anymore.
I tend to think too much on a simple sentence she says. Best not to think right?
Anyway, its what's best for her.
After clock, I went straight back to Counter-Strike to distract myself.
Then it was pooling at Cini before having dinner at the food court there and taking the train to Marina Bay and then to Sembawang to catch a movie.
Danny tried to trick Xin and me into watching some Indonesian horror show claiming he only knew the movie title but not what it meant.
Luckly we had the good sense not to give him our 10 bucks to purchase the tickets.
The title of the movie turned out to be "Crawling Nurse" LOL
Stood my ground and said I wouldn't watch it so eventually they gave in and we went to watch Evan Almighty even though Xin watched it before.
We had an hour to spare before the movie started so we all headed down to a nearby playground to lie around and emo.
Movie was pretty funny though it was only an hour and a half long.
Headed to Will's place to borrow basketball shorts and get the basketball, then we headed to a nearby, dark court to play night-hoops.
Played barefoot and we couldn't see much for nuts and we kept scaring ourselves by looking out for people and sounds.
Played till I had blisters on both feet, then sat down and watched the guys fight it out two-on-two.
When we decided to pack up and leave for drinks however, the lights came on and we were swearing and saying how we'd only come out and play at 4am the next time.
Headed to a kopi tiam and I had a little pre-breakfast breakfast before slacking at yet another playground till 5.30am when Xin and I walked to the mrt and headed home.
Finally fell asleep at 7am, blisters and all.
Just got up an hour ago at 6pm.
People have been asking me if I'll go back to playing Maple again since they say the 4th job maps are coming out next week or so.
Although I appreciate that they miss me and all, I miss them too, but I just don't think I can carry on in that game.
I know that when I login, should certain individuals be online, my frustration and jealousy will kick in and spoil my day as well as hers should she find out about it.
Furthermore, even if they're not online, everywhere I go, there're memories and hopes and wishes and dreams.
I can't put it all behind me and continue to act like I'm happy and everything's okay.
I don't know what Rae is trying to pull either when she said something about refraining from asking if I missed her on buddy list when a mutual friend of ours asked if I missed her.
Honestly, I didn't know what to say after she said that, so I just kept mum.
Perhaps that's one of the reasons I don't log in now.
Let's use an analogy to try to explain what I'm going through.
Imagine that there's an accident out at sea, a man is missing.
His wife is at home, she knows that he's missing, but still clings on to the hope that he's not dead.
In the morning, she wakes up, heads to the kitchen to make coffee, and unconsciously makes two mugs.
Then she starts, realises that her husband is no longer with her, and with her heart breaking, pours one mug away.
If you don't get this analogy, watch the music video and maybe you'll understand how painful it is for that woman, and for me.
I cried watching the video, understanding the pain that was amplified.
Funeral For A Friend - Walk Away
All the words that we have to say
They don't leave
When the moment comes we know we have to wait
As the days go on and the places fade away
Into dirt, into dust, it all fades away
And the waiting is the hardest thing to take
A moment more before we break
If you have to let it go
And these dreams keep you awake
If you have to let it go
Walk away
And the shapes we want to see
Don't leave
Another piece that this puzzle needs
And the waiting is the hardest thing to take
A moment more before we break
If you have to let it go
And these dreams keep you awake
If you have to let it go
Walk away
And the waiting is the hardest thing to take
A moment more before we break
If you have to let it go
And these dreams keep you awake
If you have to let it go
Walk away
If you have to let it go
And these dreams keep you awake
If you have to let it go
Walk away (Walk away)
If you have to let it go
And these dreams keep you awake
If you have to let go
Walk away (Walk away)
Monday, August 20
Yellowcard - Empty Apartment
Call me out, you stayed inside
One you love is where you hide
Shot me down as I flew by
Crash and burn, I think sometimes
You forget where the heart is
Answer no to these questions
Let her go, learn a lesson
It's not me, you're not listening now
Can't you see, something's missing
You forget where the heart is
Take you away, from that empty apartment
You stay, and forget where the heart is
Someday, if ever you love me you'd say it's okay
Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life, what's it like there
Is it all what you want it to be
Does it hurt, when you think about me
And how broken my heart is
Take you away, from that empty apartment
You stay, and forget where the heart is
Someday, if ever you love me you'd say it's okay
It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend
Take you away, from that empty apartment
You stay, and forget where the heart is
Someday, if ever you love me you'd say its okay
It's okay
It's okay
So the dig is that they're not married yet, but they're gonna be sometime soon.
*Shrugs*
Like the song goes, "It only gets harder the more that you know".
There was no FCC meeting on Friday due to everyone having their own plans.
Can't seem to remember what I did though, think I ended up watching tv and/or reading.
Woke up early on Saturday to meet Feli, Lena, and Janice to head back to SJC.
SJC was having some carnival cum family day thing so I thought it'd be nice to head back for a visit after all this time.
Everyone was late, like fucking late late.
Ended up waiting for years for the rest who brought their other halves.
Walked around school reliving memories and moments in our lives that I hope we'll never forget.
Had lunch with them at Compass's McDonalds before heading down to cini to meet a bunch of people.
Guin, Xiang, Boye, Will, Danny, Xin, Gigi, Jolvin, Charcoal were playing pool when I got there.
Everyone was trying to convince Xin to skip dinner with her teammates and head out to steamboat with us.
In the end, everyone accompanied her to Eunos to pass her bag to a friend before heading out to dinner at Bugis.
Nic, Nic's girlfriend and Joel(neo) joined us for dinner at some steamboat place opposite Bugis.
Xin and I heard something loud towards the end of dinner and rushed outside hoping to catach a glimpse of some fireworks.
Alas, we were too late. -__-
After that we went to Sembawang to catch Dead Silence which sucked horribly.
Although some parts made me squirm and cover my eyes, on the whole, it wasn't scary and not worth $9.50.
We then headed to Will's house to collect his laptop and see his bunny before heading to Danny's where we played computer games and they played maple all night.
I was so stoned that when it was time to head home, I was almost asleep.
Staggered into bed around 7+am and slept till 2+pm.
Went to meet mum and dad at Compass and went for a facial.
The massage chairs sucked.
They were so uncomfortable that I couldn't sleep even though I was wiped.
Then we went to Jalan Kayu's Mad Jack's for dinner where I had steak.
Home sweet home, America's Got Talent, and bed.
Today's class was the best one by far.
We were heading down to Tuas to check out Asia Pacific Breweries and how the company produced beers.
There was a jam on the highway which blocked 3 of the 4 lanes.
We saw the wreck, it was horrible.
The driver's side of the truck was totally smashed and we were wondering if the driver made it out alive.
Our bus was stuck in it for more than an hour and by the time we got there, we were so moodless.
But we got a hot young tour guide named Madeline who showed us around and then ushered us into the bar for our free flow of beers and nuts after the tour.
I had a mug of Tiger, a mug of Heineken and about 3/4 mug of Kilkenny before I got blur and stopped.
My classmate Kuei Lin and I discovered that beer tastes surprisingly better when mixed with Sprite.
Mad said she'd try some once she knocked off work.
No drinking on duty.
Marline was the worst, she drank a mug and got so stone drunk that she puked when we got back to school.
Ashley let us off around 1pm due to all of us being a little lightheaded and not in the mood for lessons.
I came home and crashed till 5pm cause I had a headache from the busride to Tuas.
Friday FCC anyone? ><
Friday, August 17
I heard something about him and her getting married yesterday with 2 other couples that are friends of mine.
Ain't it sweet?
No confirmation though.
I expected it yet I didn't wanna believe myself.
What a fool I am.
Part of me wants to know, and another part feels that ignorance is bliss.
Swirl 360 - Love Should Be A Crime
Words like love and happiness
They don't seem to stand up baby
When you put em to the test
You say that you're a poet
That your life's a work of art
But you can't
Paint love by numbers, babe
You gotta play it all by heart
Baby, baby, baby, baby
It happens all the time
How you play me, play me, play me
You're playing with my mind
Baby, baby, baby, baby
You're making me go crazy
And if you call that love then
Love should be a crime
Honesty bites the dust
Every time I hear you saying
That love is never lust, yeah
Did you read that in a book
Did you see it in a magazine
Did you think that I'm some new age fool
Did you think I'm so naive
Baby, baby, baby, baby
It happens all the time
How you play me, play me, play me
You're playing with my mind
Baby, baby, baby, baby
You're making me go crazy
And if you call that love then
Love should be a crime
You and me
Suddenly
We got nothing to say
Because the words get in the way
Baby, baby, baby, baby
It happens all the time
How you play me, play me, play me
Playing with my mind
Baby, baby, baby, baby
You're making me go crazy
And if you call that love then
All it was
Was a pocket full of nothing
But a suicidal gun
And if you call that love then
Love should be a
Crime
Tuesday, August 14
I saw it coming from 2 months ago.
Now its finally come, its time for me to go.
No point staying just to get my eyes sore.
I'm sick of all this.
I trusted you, guess I trusted wrong.
All I'm left with is a sunburn and a broken heart.
And memories that were once sweet.
My friends tried to tell me all along
That you werent the right one for me
My friends tried to tell me to be strong
I bet you didnt think that I would see
The postcard that you wrote
With the stupid little note
Something wasn't quite right about it
I wanna see you cry
Like I did a thousand times
Now you're losing me, you're losing me now
Because you wrote
"I wish you were her"
You left out the 'E'
You left without me
And now you're somewhere out there
With a bitch, slut, psycho babe
I hate you, why are guys so lame
Everything I gave you I want everything back but you
Monday, August 13
12/37am her:
here's wishing all the very best to all Nagaians who are having exams/trial exams this few weeks!
i myself will be in semi-hibernation mode for the next 10 days - having semester finals -_-
i will come on9 evenings to see how everyone is doing, perhaps sneak a visit to mr moo moo and ulitize at least 2-3 hrs of my 2x =P
ok dat's it for today, packing my nightpack and waiting for someone to come pick me up to the farm~ mwuarks <3
1.05am him:
going to fetch mrs moo moo~ must make her relax enuff so tt she wont feel so stressed for exams >,< after army, uni time...sian..hope to enjoy all the time with my fellow guildmates and loved one<= no (s). F3. ok nights~ packing up my olive oils and bath salts. Hot tub and nice rub ahead! XD
as long as im in the right; i will always stand upright; and if i must- fight,
so i write,
for the honour to hold u snug and tight; by my side,
sneaking in a love bite.
I just got back from the toilet after crying my eyes out.
My right hand hurts from beating the wall.
But it doesn't hurt enough to drown out the pain.
I want to break my hand so I won't feel anything else.
I can't describe how I'm feeling now.
I can't focus or concentrate on anything else.
Its only 9am and I'm in school.
I want to go home because I can't cry in class.
Oh god can this really be happening to me?
Has everything she's been telling me just been said to butter me up so it won't hurt so bad when this happens?
Well it didn't work.
I'm trying not to cry again typing this.
A part of me knew that this would happen, but it doesn't seem to brace me for the impact of the actual thing.
Another part of me kept my hope alive, and is still keeping my hope alive.
What for? You ask me.
What for? After all this, why are you still holding on?
I don't know, I don't know.
I want to quit, leave for good.
Then I want to stay, cause I still hope there's a chance.
I keep going back to the page and re-reading the posts.
I just can't believe it.
Feels like the disbelief I felt when she divorced me.
But the pain.. I thought I could never hurt this bad again, and so soon.
And the ring, was she just waiting for it to expire?
It expires tomorrow after 1.30pm.
I was just thinking last night about sending her another one, and telling her she doesn't have to take it out of cs or use it or anything.
The memory, is painful.
Biting back tears is hard.
I saw it coming, a part of me saw this.
But a part of me can't believe it.
I still can't believe it.
Going to meet Sze now to head down to East Coast.
Friday, August 10
My very weird conversation with my ex maple girlfriend. o_o
Its nice to get the chance to speak to her in private.
her: yoyoz long time no see
me: err, you must be mistaken, i've never seen you before in my life.. *grins*
her: lol u noe wad i mean la
me: i was online the day before ma.. o.o
her: ya i noe
her: o.o
her: still not used to ur "offline" status ma f3
me:lol.. how come?
her: lol coz last time u oso owez on like...until very late lor
me: priorities change i guess =/
her: happy to noe that ^_^
...
her: vic and xy got 2gether f3 as in maple
me: finally!!!!
me: wedding soon?
her: lols, dunno
her: i oni noticed their rings ytd
her: it's either the berserk effect comes on, or the heart effect
me: lol!!
me: maybe they're trying to keep it hush hush for the time being
me: i teased xy endlessly about vic the last time i logged in
her: hush hush?? with the terms of endearment in guild? f3
her: somemore owez train and hunt boss together f3
her: well, perhaps hush the fact that they got together?
her: lols
her: ah bee and xigua oso
her: >.<
me: haha.. we need to get you one too?
her: for?
her: later say i keep train nvr pei f3
me: for company? about the training thing... =x
her: LoLoL
her: erm..my training buds = enuff company?
me: *shrugs* if you say so
her: oh come on..u noe me
her: training takes precedence over everything else?
me: mmhmm.. but i also know how good it feels to have someone there for you
me: makes a distinct difference in gaming pleasure
her: -.-" ok ok
her: did i ruin ur gaming experience? f7
me: *shrugs*
her: -.- rings expiring soon le, planning to enjoy the berserk effect while it lasts?
me: kinda trying to aviod thinking bout that day..
her: oops, my bad
me: no everlasting harm done
her: >.<
Everyone's telling me to forget it.
But,
I'm so not over her.
Anyway, quick update about my days.
Met Safy, John, Lyn, Aloy, Min and Sze on Monday night for late dinner to catch up and talk about the bbq that they/we're planning for this coming Sunday. Just got word that there're alot of other people coming.. =X
Tuesday was spent at home though I was supposed to be in school. Went to meet Sze and Sze's mum to help them check out a laptop they were intending to buy as well as check out the Giant, Courts and IKEA all at once. Sze's mum left around 6 plus then Sze and I ended up at Courts playing Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix and Rayman on the Xbox 360s there before heading to Giant for grocery shopping.
Wednesday was spent at home though I was supposed to go beaching with Sze cause she had tution. Stayed home and watched Martha Stewart and movies. Rae spoke to me on Tuesday in msn and told me "dun forget to come in and catch up on MAPLE social life f3". So I logged in at night to go wild for a bit and settle zakum matters for this Saturday.
Yesterday was National Day, spent it with mummy and daddy and sis visiting the grandparents. Dropped by Tamp's IKEA where I finally got my meatballs that I've been craving for since Tuesday. Then we headed home to watch the National Day Parade on tv. Granted, I've got some issues about the way this country is run, but I still love my home.
Couldn't sleep last night so I turned on my computer and transported my charcter so I won't have to log in today. Ended up talking with Josh, Shan, Zack and Miho on the phone till 3+am. Fell asleep eventually and somehow managed to drag my ass to classes today where I contributed 0% to lessons.
I love Avril Lavigne and Ashlee Simpson. WOOHOO!
Monday, August 6
Friday was pon-school and Baybeats day.
I hadn't been sleeping well since Tuesday so a pretty pooped me wasn't able to get up on Friday morning for class. Gave myself the day off and met Sze in the afternoon to buy myself a new belt from Far East. The belt seemed more expensive than the last time I bought it, $35 now. Then we headed down to Suntec early cause Sze hated crowded buses. Went Carefour shopping and we each bought two pairs of socks and sat down at a cafe where I had some pwnish hot chocolate and Sze had oh-so-yummy cheesecake.
Feli, Alvin, Lena, Colin, Janice, Aaron, Sze's sister and Sze's sister's friend came later on. Sze's sister and the friend headed down to the Esplanade first while we had dinner at Pepper Lunch(Fine its not all peppery). Then we strolled down to Esplanade and only managed to catch Caracal's last song. -_- What a waste. We kept walking back and forth between the two stages to see which was "more happening" according to Jenny. Got pretty dull pretty quick though, and we settled down at Glutton's Square for supper of Lena's doughnuts and chicken wings for me. Caught one of the late trains home and then cycled down to Hougang to pass Rene her laptop. It was 12.30am by the time I biked home and 4am by the time I fell asleep reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
Saturday was HRSS and Baybeats-again day.
Got woken up at 9am, dragged myself outta bed and brought Ben and Jerry down to the event at Youth Park. Ended up being the DJ for the day cause they were using my laptop's music for the day. Had fun bumming around and DJing with Teeny, who was MC-ing. Helped them pack up then met Sheila, Boye, Xiang, Danny, Joel, Xin, Hokage, Jolvin for a quick dinner before catching a cab down to the Esplanade again to watch A Vacant Affair who were supposed to be playing at 8. When I got there around 8.10pm though, there wasn't anyone playing so I headed to the other stage and listened to another band. When they ended, headed back to the previous stage and AVA were up and jamming. Enjoyed myself though I was watching alone. They played 8.30pm - 9pm. After they were done, I walked to Harry's where I met Lena and Colin and Yvette. We went in and had a drink plus some nuts. My Blue Hawaiian wasn't as blue as I thought it'd be and it wasn't that good. Then we went to watch some band perform, after which, we stayed on to watch Blindside. We managed to get to the front and stood there waiting for 45 minutes till Blindside came on. Thereafter, it was just a huge party of people jumping around and squeezing and shoving and elbowing one another. Colin and I were standing behind Yvette and Lena so most of the time, had either Colin's shoulder or Yvette's hair in my face. Got elbowed a hell lot as well as some ass on my head while they were carrying the fella around. By the time Blindside ended their session, we were all sweaty and sticky and tired and grinning. It was one hell of an experience. Cabbed home with Yvette cause it was way past midnight already. Didn't fall straight asleep though, stayed up till 4am again to finish the Potter book, then I fell asleep.
Sunday was stay-awake-for-5-hours day.
Woke up at 1pm and decided to go back to sleep. Finally got out of bed at 5pm and had lunch and watched tv till 9.30pm. Spent some time with my rabbits then went to sleep at 10-ish. Think I tossed and turned till about 12 plus before falling asleep properly. Emoed abit in bed. =/
Today is another-blue-Monday-in-school day.
Lab Management class today, followed by a Genomics Understanding Test later at 4pm. Haven't studied yet though, shall look through notes in a little while, its 3pm now. There wasn't any aircon on today in class so we migrated to the library for awhile till the aircon came back on. Body's still sore from Saturday though. Need to build up more muscle mass before next month's concert.
Gotta start saving money for next month's Funeral For A Friend concert. Forking out $90 for 2 hours of them. ._.
Made a list of stuff I wanna buy as well:
- New jeans
- Hard disk
- An Atticus belt
- An Atticus jacket
- More shirts
- Converse chucks
- Sony headphones
- A new bag
Thursday, August 2
Its 3pm now. Had one of those bare-your-heart-and-soul talks with her. Feeling better now, surprisingly. I hate her, cause its so easy for me to just open up to her about everything. Really, everything.
Don't think I'm gonna go look at the new maple maps anytime soon. It'll just make me sad that I'll be going alone.
Zomg its 4am. ._.
It is now 3am and I have classes at 8.30am and a test at 4pm later on. Not to mention I gotta find a new place to zak cause the person I relied on for a zakkable computer and connection is taking a break from maple. It never rains but it pours eh?
Horny let me listen to his emo classical song, Clair de lune. Granted, my eyelids started getting heavier after like 15 seconds of the song, but its pretty good on the whole lah. Its a pretty famous piece too if I'm not wrong. Horny also told me how he googled and found my blog. ._. That's just stalker-ishly freaky.
Gonna watch some High School Musical 2 vids on youtube, then finish up my Yakult and try to get some shuteye. I really ought to stop making it a habit of thinking about emo things just when I'm about to fall asleep.
Now that it's all said and done
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up then tear me down
Like an old abandoned house
And what you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
I fell too far, was in way too deep
Guess I let you get the best of me
Wednesday, August 1
So I'm running out of things to do, and I've gotten back to thinking about her.
It would've been our 3rd month on the Saturday that just passed, 28th July. I logged in, went exploring every map that we've been to, cried at some significant ones, cried abit more when she logged in. All in all, I'd say it was a good day?
I was just thinking whether to ask her if she's really happier now, like this, the way things are. Cause I guess if she is, it'd be a little easier to let her go wouldn't it? Granted, it'll hurt like hell and I'll probably spend some quality time with a lot of tissue, but all I've ever wanted was for her to be happy. I'm not saying that I'll let go of her 100% if (and most probably when) she says yes, cause I'll still worry bout her and her health and stuff, but I think it'd help a little, wouldn't it? Knowing that she's happier. I don't know. I asked Clem about it, she said, "Do you really wanna know the answer?". I agree, part of me is content with just this hi bye thing with her, I mean, at least we communicate? But another part of me isn't content, that selfish part of me wants all or nothing at all. A part of me will always worry about the little things, like if she's had her 3 meals a day, or if she's slept well the previous night, or if her diet is hurting her stomach again, or if she's alone, if there's anyone to keep her company. Trivial stuff that people tend to overlook at times. I'll wonder, I'll worry, I'll still get jealous, I'll still have feelings for her. Stuff like that won't change so soon.
Truth be told, I've never really totally gotten over anyone. Cause, I never had them to begin with and you can't lose what you never had. Not sure if/when I'll have the guts to ask such a question though. I'll probably find some stupid timing and screw everything up again.
Sounds just like me. :)
ps: I finally got a new tagboard up and running. Yippie?
Chris Daughtry - Used To
You used to talk to me like I was the only one around
You used to lean on me - the only other choice was falling down
You used to walk with me like we had nowhere we needed to go
Nice and slow, to no place in particular
We used to have this figured out
We used to breathe without a doubt
When nights were clear you were the first star that I'd see
We used to have this under control
We never thought... We used to know
At least there's you and at least there's me
Can we get this back, can we get this back
To how it used to be
I used to reach for you when I got lost along the way
I used to listen, you always had just the right thing to say
I used to follow you, never really cared where we would go
Fast or slow - to anywhere at all
We used to have this figured out
We used to breathe without a doubt
When nights were clear you were the first star that I'd see
We used to have this under control
We never thought... We used to know
At least there's you and at least there's me
Can we get this back, can we get this back
To how it used to be
I look around me and I want you to be there
Cause I miss the things that we shared
Look around you, it's empty and you're sad
Cause you miss the love that we had
You used to talk to me like I was the only one around
The only one around
We used to have this figured out
We used to breathe without a doubt
When nights were clear you were the first star that I'd see
We used to have this under control
We never thought... We used to know
At least there's you and at least there's me
Can we get this back, can we get this back
To how it used to be
To how it used to be
To how it used to be
To how it used to be
To how it used to be